Tuesday, 13 August 2013

NEW SINGLE RELEASES - From worst to bearable

*IIIIIIIII don't miiinnndd sentimental giiirls at times..* ahem, sorry about that.

Just goes to show what I know about a song's catchiness really. In my defence I did say that it would probably grow on me after a few listens but I never expected it to be the only tune in my head for last 3 days. I swear the song on first listen doesn't appear to have a hook at all but it turns out it is does and a big one at that. Just cunningly disguised like some 17th century pirate with an oversized tea-cosy on his hand; one minute you're thinking you're going to be served a hot beverage and next your eyeball's hanging from it's socket.

So that's the song is in my head at the moment but what new songs have come out this week? I know next to nothing about mainstream releases, mainly due to the fact that most new music makes me grind my teeth and convulse into violent fits of pure outrage and scepticism (HMV probably did the best thing by barring me on retrospect)

The question is 'am I just being an old fuddy duddy who doesn't get it anymore?'
The answer is probably yes, so the next question would be; 'do I have to be such a negative square and am I too stuck in my ways to change?'
The answer is probably yes as well.

But what the hell, I'm going to give a try anyway. I've always been told I'm very trying

Here's my plan: New singles are released every week and I am going to listen to them. Then instead of dismissing all of them as complete auditory excrement I will rank them from worst to bearable.

I will chose one which I consider the best of the bunch. This may at times be likened to choosing between a swift kick in the balls or a 3 minute long Indian burn but I will come to definitive answer which will result in a numerically ranking conclusion.

So what treats do I have in store this week? Armed with my laptop, headphones, a can of Monster and a bottle of Brandy should things turn ugly, bring on the new releases for 12th  August 2013.
Hit me!

*several listens and few brandys later*

Ok... I think I'm ready. Starting from worst to bearable (baby steps, this is hard for me) we have in at

number 5:


The Wanted - We Own The Night

 
 





Been listening to Fun. by any chance have we The Wanted? Not that I'm saying this is a shameless rip-off a popular hit (from last year) as that would imply that some kind of effort was put into it but any song that has a chorus consisting only of 'La La La's' isn't worth regarding, even as a below par imitation. Also is it me or are The Wanted slowly turning into what One Direction will be like in 5 years time? What is with these inane songs that serve no purpose other than to say 'we like to party; and 'I fancy that girl'? You had a sound The Wanted, it wasn't a great sound by any means but at least it was your own. Now you're becoming a tribute act to one of the worst travesties in popular music since the Outhere Brothers. We have a One Direction, The Wanted, and one is more than enough for any ice age we may just survive through.

A special mention must go this fantastically bad lyric. So bad it not only defies all logic but it isn't even used in terms of trying to rhyme with the next line nor does it have any real bearing on the what the song is about. It tries to be poetic and imaginative but instead but instead comes across as not having a clue, not only about lyric writing but also basic logical thinking.

'I will be remembered for centuries of sand'

Congratulations, you have not only been awarded worst song of the week but a double failure with worst line of the week too. Have a cigar and grow a pair, even just the one will suffice for all of you.


Number 4:

Burn - Ellie Goulding





Hello Ellie... yeah you and Lyrical Cricketal are going to have a certain meeting regarding 'anything being possible' but for now let's look past that and concentrate on this new song of yours.

'Dance Dance Revolutionary Sell-Out A Hoy' once again it seems. I don't get it, your voice wasn't really to my liking but at times even I could admit you sounded sincere at least. Why in this song does it seem like your vocals have been trimmed and auto-tuned to the point that they have has much personality as a depressed dalek (repeatedly screeching out burn burn burn isn't helping your defence either) Why at times do the lyrics seem brute forced into the melody regardless how well they actually fit; akin to a square peg, round hole, small child with hammer? Why oh why is that incessant dance riff at the beginning of the song still being implemented now when it was first used circa 1994? Why is there a twinkly bit the start of the bridge that actually sounds like it could be the intro to a much more interesting song? It sounds so out of place, almost as if it got lost in the recording studio and found it's way into Miss Goulding's recording booth. 'Oops sorry, wrong song' it chirps out before being quickly ushered out with a stern slap on the crotchets.

Not impressed really and lyrically it's a bit preachy and clich√©. Maybe though I'm just sick of flaming fire metaphors in songs, they really have been so overly done that you couldn't cut into one with a diamond encrusted chainsaw.



Number 3:

Think of You = MS MR

 
 
 




Come into the timewarp and welcome to 1987! Where hair was big, fashion was absurd and shoulders were seriously protected. This is song is about as retro sounding as Bananarama humming the tune to Tetris.

The first thing that struck me about this song is how it seems to channel the Kim Wilde version of 'You Just Keep Me Hanging On' as well as realising that this is the most interestingly written song I've heard thus far. Lyrically it has some good lines, when you can understand what she is saying but my god this song is bland. It's not bad per-say, it's just very unmemorable and I've rarely heard a choral melody so uncreative. At least unlike the other 2 previous songs, it doesn't annoy me much when I listen to it. Shame though, I like her voice and their overall sound, plus she's a hot red head too. I can't be too mean on a purely superficial level. Hey, girls can get away with it! Why the hell should I not give it a go? Restraining orders not withstanding, naturally



Number: 2

 

Avicii - Wake Me Up


 
 
 


Initially, without knowing anything about Avicii, I chose to read the lyrics first before watching the video and was pleasantly surprised. A touching piece mixing right of passage with finally knowing thyself. I could imagine a catchy little song sung by someone with a voice like Nerina Pallot, full of whimsical hope and endearing inflections of vocal style. Then I came out of cloud cuckoo land and heard the song for real, where I was immediately hit by a fast paced acoustic guitar riff and a soulful tenor voice piping out from the speakers. The way the song was written I could have sworn it would have been by a woman; it just had that feel to it and I normally trust my feelings. I may never believe anything old Ben Kenobi says again, unless I happen upon a particularly stubborn mustard jar.

Back on to the song and things are sounding good (man this is a great vocal) I'm really enjoying this. Hang on a minute... what's that foreboding electro beat emerging in the background? Why do I feel that there is going to be cue for people to start jumping around like they being attacked by itching powder coated ants in their pants any time soon... Arghh!!! A DJ! Avicii is a DJ!! Run good song!! Run for your pride...

The thing that really irritates me about Wake Me Up is that it feels like I'm hearing the banal dance remix of a very decent song. All it makes me want to do is hear the original.
Which doesn't exist. Which vexes me.

And the main thing it had going for it is the singer, which turns out to be Aloe Blacc. That's just cheating. The man could sing the instructions of a soldering iron and it would still sound enticing.


Number 1!


 

 

Drake - Hold On We're Going Home







When I fist started this and saw that Drake had one of the songs that I would listen to, I never believed for a second that it would make the number one spot. Nor that I actually enjoy hearing it. For a guy who sounds like he's singing the same two notes over and over again, Drake has a surprisingly decent voice. I find him soothing to listen to and the song as a whole feels both genuine and heartfelt.

The lyrics are simple but effective ; the way I interpret it is the great feeling of being with someone you can be yourself around. That is for want of a much less sissy sounding expression, just lovely. It's shame that music is quite plodding and repetitive and that really awful sounding bridge which sounds like all of Drake's drunk mates are chiming in sporadically with their two bob worth. Also I don't know if this was just in the version I was listening to but the song ends so abruptly and out of nowhere that I had to check to see if my laptop hadn't shut down for a random windows update. Well done Drake for surprising me the most this week and a very well done for the Caravan of Love sounding homage you used as an intro.



So that's me done, my first new releases post finished and I came out relatively unscathed plus still half a bottle of brand left. Not bad at all.

Hope you enjoyed reading, feel free to disagree with most if not everything I said. Just like my old housemate did, who I've not heard from for years, I won't take it too bad. Now... where did I put that shovel?


Aloha



















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