Thursday, 26 September 2013


I'm late, I'm late, I'm late for the normal date!

Apologies all, there is only one person to blame for this and would be me, and possibly Jay Asher for writing a book so compelling I couldn't help but read it all the way through in one night (oh yes, there will be a review)

So now I've admitted I'm late, please forgive, forget and move on (nothing to see here, check below, plenty to see there)

Alice In Chains - The Devil Put Dinosaurs Here

Oh come on, Alice In Chains? Are you serious? Last week we had Nine Inch Nails and I made a flippant remark about which other alt-metal band from the 90's would make an appearance. I neglected to mention this forgotten bunch who most people may know from playing Guitar Hero and figuring out the difference between a hammer on and hammer off to Them Bones. If I had have said it though I would have definitely had bought a lottery ticket this week. Maybe I should guess who will be number one. And get it right! And Pigs Might Fly Out my Arse... on Vespas!!

Well first off this is by far and away the scariest sounding song I've come across since starting this little venture. It's sinister, it's macabre and it tries to hit you hard in ways to both disturb and enlighten you, with a combination of over exuberant metaphors and zombie like vocals. There's even a guitar part in just after the chorus which is eerily reminiscent of the chilling strums of the My Dying Bride's The Dreadful Hours (I bet a tenner than no one reading this has heard of that song and to be fair neither had I until a few years ago)

It's very slow song but it keeps your interest, but it is overlong and after a while the scare factor turns into a mild discomfort. It's not catchy but then I don't think it was ever meant to be, and the song isn't as clever or heretic as it makes itself out to be. The lyrics seem to be having a pop at religion or more specifically that there is an all knowing all ignorant entity controlling us and trying to blur the lines of reality to better fit their existence. That's fine but the main idea of Devil Putting Dinosaurs Here is not only silly, in the creationists idealism it's actively encouraged that the complete reverse is the 'truth': God created dinosaurs and lived with man and the bible actually has scripture that proves this.

 I'm serious, check it on Youtube. It's educatingly hilarious

Dizzee Rascal - Something Really Bad

Cheers Dizzee, couldn't have put it better myself. Moving on...

Jonas Brothers - First Time

Err... I actually like the intro. It has a very Savage Garden feel to it... Nope, sorry that was the advert for the new LG mobile. Good sound track though, must find out more. Right I'll skip that and move on now to the real song.

I know they're supposed to be bigger then Corn Dogs in the good old US but to be honest other than the name being thrown about in usually some derogatory or satirical way, I've never heard a Jonas Brothers song. So fittingly enough, this could be my first time too (be gentle fellas)

So that was my first JoBro experience and do know what I think? You really want to know?! Well I'll tell you: This song is by the heavens THE most OK song, of the week. It's very ok, not good, but ok. The beat is ok. The lyrics are ok, the singing is ok. I'm neither offended nor mesmerised by this. To be honest I don't see what all the fuss was about? Have they changed their style and sound? Otherwise how can a band so 'beige' be painted so pious and annoying?

I'm stunned by this indifference I have. What's wrong with me?!!


Keane - Higher Than The Sun

This song is truly amazing. It's timeless. It will transcend the decades, nay EONS and be remembered as piece of music legend. Or so I imagine when such a fabled piece of art so difficult to find it may as well be hung up with such elusive relics as the Golden Fleece, Ark of The Convenant and Shergar.

The title is not a metaphor; it is prophecy. Actually screw that, it is directions you must follow in order to be deemed worthy of listening to such auditory nectar, that seemingly only exists past the point of no return, over the bridge of Khazad-Dum and beyond the reaches of the known universe.

Directions alas I could not follow  (There are few who can)

To be honest I'll bet no one has heard this damn song, it may not even exist but the fact remains that both Musicmania and The Official Top 40 website has this song down as being released this week and yet it is no.where. Not even Amazon.

I like you Keane, but not enough to do the internet equivalent of Sir Ranulph Finnes to find your port swilling arses

Gary Numan - Love, Hurt, Bleed

This is bizarre; I'm listening to Gary Numan and it sounds more like Nine Inch Nails than Nine Inch Nails sounded last week. I know Reznor was influenced partly by Numan's electro/synth style of composition and tone but this is just weird. It's almost like Numan wrote this after reading Helter Skelter and forgot to take his Prozac. It's dark, it's foreboding and as far as I'm aware nothing like Numan used to be. Is it good? Yes I think it is, but this is about as shocking a change as it would be if Marylin Manson released a pop song about the dangers of under age drinking. I could be completely wrong about this observation but I'm only going by what I know about Numan.

I should probably look into him maybe a little closer (just not enough to feel him from the inside)

And my pick for 2BAD of the week are?...

Kanye West - Bound 2

Holy molly, where do I goddamn begin? I've heard the mating calls of a walrus with better song structure and flow than this. It actually sounds like it was produced by someone who has no idea what a song is, should be or even has the potential to be. The samples that he uses verge on the godawful to the downright frightening. There's one particular vocal that interjects it's way into the song in such an abrupt way it feels like a viral internet screamer joke.

This is not just bad noise, it's noise that physically startled me (several times) The kind of thing you'd imagine is played via immovable headphones for the purpose of interrogation, next to sleep deprivation and water boarding.

Kanye West?  Can ya *Beep*

GTF - Wanna Be With You

I can't do it, sorry I refuse to give my opinion on this because I will be so unfairly biased it would be just be mean. I hate repetitive dance tunes that have incessantly jarring syth riffs in background that make me feel like my is ear canal is being flossed with razor wire and I especially hate it when they take certain lines of emotion heavy classic songs and use a vocal that sounds like they may as well be singing about sucking their own knob-end. Plus I love Fleetwood Mac

Do the maths, shouldn't take long

I know those were hard to listen to but fear not, redemption is here for now we have 2BEARABLE songs of the week!

Capital Cities - Safe & Sound

I've never heard of these guys but I can't but admire how much I can't keep from rocking my head to and fro whilst listening to this track. At times it sounds very reminiscent of MGMT but without the sense of hidden dread. It's a very happy up beat song about expressing how much you care for a person and will do anything for them, and not necessarily in a romantic way. The simple but touching lyrics make it easy to adapt to both friend and partner alike. Their voices harmonise really well too.

Haim - The Wire

Is this a girl? Oh good, a singer who actually sounds like their sex for a change. Many girls in fact. It's a girl band and one who write their own music! Fancy that.

These girls have a very Bangles meets Dixie Chicks vibe to them. No bad thing either. Perky little track about a good type of break up. You tried to work out but it's just not working out and your better off apart in the long run. A great message about the possibility of escaping and how much better off you could be. It's nice to hear such an up beat song for this kind of theme. Never heard of Haim before now, they will definitely be on my radar now though

Thanks again for reading people

See you somewhat earlier next week

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