Saturday, 26 October 2013
X FACTOR - WTF will they sing?
As we all know; X Factor is on tonight at 8pm. As some of you know, I've started to write about it on this very blog (there's at least 17 of you) As most of you will not know however tonight I will be unable to put my live commentary on tonight's episode due a to a blogger meeting and the possibility of getting so rat-arsed I'd be able to count the contours on the unfortunate rodent's colon. But what kind of a person would I be to use that as an excuse to not do any kind of blogging today? Apart from a perfectly normal person who's smart enough that no one gives a crap.
So instead here are my predictions (with no prior knowledge other than what the contestants sound like and what their Judge's taste in films are) of what they will sing in....
X FACTOR - movie magic week
I'm going to put my predictions as to which film sound track song they will sing in alphabetical order of the contestant, for no other reason than I have some time to kill before I'm so full of Sambuca, one little spark and I could be used as a stunt double for the Human Torch
She's geeky and she's kooky but hardly mysterious or spooky so with that in mind I would definitely say that 'Love Song For A Vampire' (Dracula) is out.
Which leaves with either something from (Juno) or something from (500 Days Of Summer)
Either way, it will be have a piano in it
Over 25, over the hill and may just sing 'Over The Rainbow' (Wizard of Oz) for good measure, because let's face it; no one has ever thought of attempting a heart felt but misguided cover of what I can only presume is supposed to be Eva Cassidy's version, have they? Saying that she may surprise us and go with something a little more original and only on every other X Factor series rather than every single year. With that in mind 'There You'll Be' (Pearl Harbour)
She or Sharon surely won't be as unimaginative and saccharine as to do 'My Heart Will Go On?' (Titanic) Will they?
Something by Whitney Houston, something by Beyoncé
Either way it will be a ballad. Either way it will be sung in the wrong key because she doesn't have the right voice and either way it will sound ok but too unusual to be really good.
Either way I will be bored.
Ok well this guy seems like he may enjoy a good film or so how about 'You Never Can Tell' (Pulp Fiction')
Nope?... ok how about 'Eye of The Tiger'? (Rocky III) You know to really stand out with a memorable performance by choosing an awesome song?
Ok... I guess that just leaves 'Everything I Do I Do It For You' (Robin Hood: Prince Of Theives) at which point I will cry for the death of imaginative thinking.
If he (or anyone) sings 'Iris' (City Of Angels) I will personally enlarge theirs using a bbq tongs. Their narrow minded view of the music must be enhanced in someway, hence their ears will be next.
These guys could actually have so little imagination they may just choose any song featured in '1D This Is Us' If they do I really hope it shows the public how unworthy they are to get your votes. There's standing on the shoulders of giants, then there's standing on Harry Styles; and not wanting to do so on his face.
If they do pick an actual film song however, it's going to be from a teen film. With that in mind it has to be 'St Elmos Fire' (The Breakfast Club) Oh damn, sorry wrong decade and far too much taste. My mistake. I meant Carry You 'Kick Ass 2'
Based on hair alone the only viable option for this dreadlocked bundle of mediocrity is 'Tutti Fruiti' (Predator) but in the end he'll probably make a fool of himself trying to sing something like 'The Blower's Daughter' (Closer)
He's a little guy with a big voice and a lot of range so naturally the only song he should sing is 'It's A Man's Man's Man World' (A Bronx Tail) or 'When A Man Loves A Woman' (Er...)
He could do 'Flash' (Flash Gordon) but then it's already used in the 'Flash' vote section of the programme, so that would be weird.
When all is said and done however he'll probably just end up singing 'Circle Of Life' (Lion King) But then, what would he sing on Elton John week? He won't know any more of his songs.
This is a tricky one as due them being given a pregnant pause brought on by a panic attack, I haven't heard them perform as of yet. True, I could check Youtube or ITV player for something earlier in the series but I'll be honest I just can't be arsed. Besides, judging by their appearance alone I reckon they will be RnB street style with a touch of hip-pop rather than sounding like Heart, or The Housemartins.
So with that in mind they are obviously going to perform 'Shy Guy' (Bad Boys) Or *shudders* Tina & Ike's 'Proud Mary' (What's Love Gotta Do With It)
There are so many possibilities with this band and their choice. They could go completely insane and try 'Stuck In The Middle With You' (Reservoir Dogs), 'These Arms Of Mine' (Dirty Dancing) even 'Hip To Be Square' (American Psycho)
But overall I think they will do something a little 'out there' my mixing soul and hip-hop-pop
Maybe a bland version of a Righteous Brothers song; either 'You Lost That Loving Feeling (Top Gun) or Unchained Melody (Ghost)
One of Barlow's bands is definitely going sing 'Rule The World' (Stardust) however
So there we go, will I be right? Will I bumble!
Have fun watching it tonight, I'll have fun not watching it and seeing the world going very blurry
With my glasses still on and empty ones in my hand