Saturday, 16 November 2013


I have a confession to make; I'm losing the plot at the moment. I sit down to type and nothing but incomprehensible jibberish spews forth that barely makes sense to myself let alone anyone with a working left temporal lobe. Writer's block I can deal with in moderation but this seems to be as similar to writer's block as much the Great Wall of China is to a privet hedge.

The lack of good music I'm hearing certainly isn't helping me either. Just when I honest to god thought that things were looking up we have 2 weeks in a row which generate as much excitement or rant worthy annoyance as discovering that your remote control won't work unless you give it a good, hard whack on the sofa.

One thing that is helping however is moving this weekly post to a Friday so I can have time to have a really good listen to whatever tripe is thrown my way by the unrelenting machine of poptastic blends of dance, hip-hop and  soft soul (or as it's known by it's other more popular yet misleading name;  RnB)

So this is my new day, yes I'm aware I said Thursday last time but to be honest I wasn't feeling myself and now I am, sort of.

Yes I am also aware that today is Saturday. It's been a strange week


AlunaGeorge - Best Be Believing

The intro is probably the worst introduction of a song I've heard all year. Yes that includes you Kanye West. Very repetitive and shoddily written, half way through the chorus she just gives up and brings out the ever faithful la la las. I'm waiting for the next big hit to be 3 mins of an obnoxious sounding kidult going la la la la la. Oh wait, that already happened; see Naughty Boy for details

Robbie Williams - Go Gentle

I zoned out listening to this. I normally like Robbie too. This is so far a change in form from the likes of Karma Killer, Trippin' and even that lyrical load of nonsense known as Candy that even Mr Tickle wouldn't be able to reach him. I'm not saying he's lost the knack or anything, he clearly still has it, as a showman at least, but he needs a better writer to collaborate with. I've listened to this 3 times in a row and an hour later I can't remember any of it. That's impressive in a very indifferent way.

The Poppy Girls - The Call (No Need To Say Goodbye)

I appreciate the reasons for this and I think the cause is very good. But I find this song very emotionless, which is surprising given it's theme and the girls that are singing it. I don't buy charity singles just because I want to give money to charity, I will do if I like the song though. If I don't like it, which I don't. I won't. I can donate money in far more numerous ways that are less likely to give me narcolepsy.

And now for the BAD

This week they both share a personality trait. They are both covers

Ellie Goulding - How Long Will I Love You

Hello again Ellie, we really need to stop meeting like this. Seriously.

If you listen the original song, it's very upbeat and good music too stick on at a party, when everyone's drunk. That's it's charm. In my opinion this was done deliberate to disguise the fact that despite how beautifully poetic the lyrics are, they are VERY cheesy. Yep, the kind of thing you say to your loved one when you had a few when the hidden truth will out, you're at your most vulnerable and you tell them you would wrestle a tiger for them in a pool of sulphuric acid wearing angel wings, for them. It's funny, it's silly, it's endearing,, it's beer love. Mike Scott of The Waterboys knew this when he penned it, probably high on Irish Stout given the wonderfully folky string arrangments. The song as such presents with a pleasant jauntiness to remind us not to take things so seriously and that love can be fun, as well as painfully emotional and rip your heart out with some cooking tongs, stick it on the first and watch the bastard burn and bleed depressing... Sorry, just seemed to trail off then for moment.

Goulding sings this with such a straight face you could stick a marble in her cakehole and use her as spirit level. She sings like she believes every word she is saying without so much as a twist in her sobriety. It sounds beyond ridiculous. I'll admit she sings it nice but it also sounds like she's taking the piss. Either that or she really is a naïve, delusional, hopeless excuse for a tragic romantic. I should sue for copy right theft.

The truth is; she's playing the manipulation card by singing sweetly and hoping people buy into the fluffy sounding sentimentality, plus she has the convenient selling point of it being the Children In Need official song. So people will think that small toddler's lives depend on listening her go on about how she will. Very shrewd

Speaking of emotional manipulation...

Lily Allen - Somewhere Only We Know 

I have two main problems with this song and they're both heavily laden with irony; 1. I like Lily Allen and 2. I like this song a lot. Confused? Me too but the best way I can convey this is by using chicken and chocolate. That probably needs a touch more embellishing.

I like both chicken and chocolate a great deal. I can fill myself up with one or the other with no real problem. I will never get sick of chicken due to having it too often and in a similar way I know when I need to stop eating chocolate before I re-enact a certain scene from the Exorcist. I can handle and like them both, but individually. That's the key word right there. I do not, for even one minute, think of combining these. I never have craving for chocolate dipped wings or Cadbury's kievs and yet this song to me is just that. It's a big pile false, oversentimental Lindt fillets. Pardon me while I stomach just one more wafer thinnn minnnttt.

Here's where any kind of music credibility I did have disappears quicker than a stop sign next to a student bar: This is a cover of a song by Keane and I like Keane. ChicKeane is good. I have their first 2 albums, I consider their first one of the better albums released in the decade of the noughties and I really like this song. The power and desperation in Chaplin's voice, the huge sledge hammer piano work intro and wonderfully depressing yet amusingly resigned lyrics about wanting another chance and probably not going to get it because you're in your early 20's and already blabbering about being too Old, Tired and Lonely (which personally I think would have been a much more appropriate title of the album than Hopes & Fears)

But despite this the song is very upbeat within the longing for something that's unattainable, which it does with a fantastically put together (albeit pretty much unsingable by no one else but Chaplin)melody and chorus, that despite it's sorrowful message, it bafflingly leaves you spirits lifted and raring to go. Well, it does to me.

What the Lily Allen cover has done is not only re-orchestrated the song to make it sound as yearning and depressive as possible but Allen not so much as sings the notes but snores them out in tune. She sounds more bored than a score of board games being played on a big slab of medium density fibreboard. Lily Allen is at her best when singing her own songs about taking the piss out of someone, because she does it so sweetly and it matches her somewhat monotone vocal. It's cute, sardonic, dead pan humour and I love it as much as Icona Pop loves vehicular fires. She's not very good at covers though, they always come across as rather lazy and half arsed, this one is the worse so far. As for the advert, John Lewis is about as good as twisting bitter songs for their own manipulative, profit/popularity inducing means than political party broadcasts. Remember She's Always a Woman sung so hauntingly by Skype Dangermouse or whatever his name is? Remember people admitting to crying when they saw it? Remember how the song is about a woman who gets whatever she wants through charm, deceit, silvery laugh style physical abuse and theft? Thought not

Oh yeah, and the fact that the vid clip I have presents the song as being 'by' Lily Allen with no reference to it's writers, pisses me off to no end

And now for the BEARABLE   

Classified FT Olly Murs - Inner Ninja

Apart from the actual title of the song which seems to fit into the chorus melody as effectively as elephant does up a spiral staircase, going down, this is not a bad track, It's light hearted, it's fun sounding and it has a white rapper trying to sound like Will Smith when he was all Big Willie style-e.
There's not much more I want to say on the song itself, I do however want to discuss the song's history though.

Most people in the UK know who Olly Murs (X Factor loser) is so it will not come as a surprise to find him being the guest vocal of a poppy rap track from Canada. Naturally. What you probably don't know is that this track was originally released back end of 2012 with a guest vocal by David Myles (who?)

That must have been the Sony Records thoughts completely because Mr Myles has been stripped from the record and Murs has gleefully taken his place. They even use pretty much the same video but with Myles part's edited out, like he's some kind of threat to the Canadian Official Secrets Act. Olly doesn't do a bad job but I personally think David Myles gets it more. His voice suits the style better and given that he had a hand in writing it it's obvious why. See for yourself.I'm posting both videos for you to check out. It's Murs vs Myles.


Which one do you prefer? If you like the song at all that is

Also what is it with these X Factor losers? They lost. Move on and get a proper job. Despite the thousands upon thousands of record sales, people just don't want you, don't you get it? Sheesh

 Mariah Carey - The Art of Letting Go
Really REALLY slim pickings this week for me to pick a Carey song as a Bearable but there you go. 

There's something very appealing about this song however. I'm certainly not a huge fan of warbling big voiced divas like Carey but until the very end she sings this song with a passion and control that Beyoncé could only dream of. For a little over 2 mins the song regains that quality but then the screaming angst notes come out until she ends on a breathy sigh, which does redeem it slightly if it is somewhat overly self absorbed. Just like Carey really. The last big diva ballad hit that I liked was Alicia Keys with Sleeping With A Broken Heart and this shares some of the same traits; they both have a very old school feel (Carey's even has crackling of a vinyl at the start) they both good production nicely written lyrics and they don't seem like an excuse just to show that a plateful of jelly fish on a water bed is no match for the power of their wobbly vocals.

So there we go, another post late and deeper in shit

Chapter of 4 of 50 Shades will be here Sunday but no X Factor tonight as I'm spending the time watching a pack of mental picture mythical beasts who will most likely go nuclear

You say good high and I say how low

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